Tomorrow is cancelled!!!

2011-08-16T02:49:00.002+05:30

Ek ummeed si jaagi hai, haal-e-dil unko sunaane ke baad,
rakhenge woh dil pe haath, dil ko mere dukhane ke baad.

woh ek roshni ke jisse mera tasavvur nihaan hai,
haqeeqat mein woh milegi kya khudhi ko jalaane ke baad.

saanson se toota jaaye hai, saanson ka silsila
gham nahin iska, jo yaad aaon, main unhein jaane ke baad.

zindagi ko aaj intezaar ek khoobsoorat nazaraane ka hai
to yeh mujhko hi ye ghazal meri, ek zamaane ke baad

Everything has a reason...

2011-06-07T15:22:00.002+05:30

I have been to a place I thought I would never see

The meadows, the river, the greenery…

I lost my heart to the people,

And lost my mind sitting idle…

It was something I had to do

It was a part of my destiny

And I am glad to have found such love

The one that’s only for the sake of love

My mind rejoiced, my heart stifled an ache

I knew I wasn’t completely back

A part of me still lingers out there

A part of me I don’t want to reclaim

I belong here, and I belong there too

As some things are beyond the realm of birth

I have been to a place I thought I would never see

It was my destiny, I have found the missing me…

A Prayer by Thomas Merton

2011-04-20T12:43:00.000+05:30

Came across this on Paulo Coelho's blog and got hooked. Such beautiful lines and such beautiful thoughts...reading other works by Thomas Merton now...

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going,
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

And looking forward to spending some days with Kahlil Gibran's works...found a 3-in-1 collection in excellent condition :)

Its gonna be one great spiritual week :)

Musings...

2011-04-13T12:22:00.001+05:30

I am learning new things these days that i can kinda do without...hehe...yeah...there are some things worth learning and some aren't. Well.. I cant decide to save my life!

Anyways...i m learning politics...without ever wanting to :(I am learning about people's weaknesses and how to take advantage of those weaknesses, however small or subtle, I am learning about massaging people's already inflated egos...I have seen so much hypocrisy in the last few months...i have almost stopped believing that people can be real.

I am learning all right! but will I use it? That needs to be seen. I will avoid it as far as humanely possible...will just watch from afar.
Oh I will definitely lose my temper. I am that way. What I will not be able to do is sugar-coat my words, paste a plastic smile on my face when in company and throw poisoned arrows at people when they arent around.
But I am wondering! I have always voiced my opinions...honestly, truthfully and without any extra trimmings. It hasn't helped...not yet...

So...To be or not to be (a hypocrite)? That is the question!

The reason for my reluctance is...well...that since i have started being true to myself, facing myself, my heart has been talking to me more and more frequently, excitedly, happily... (yeah just like Santiago's heart does in 'The Alchemist')

I think I will actually smile, from the heart (not a plastic one for sure), and let it all just pass me without touching me. Coz these poor souls don't know what they are doing... right? ;)

i guess i am better off being like me...coz i like it.
Hmmm....so my musing has atleast made me reach this decision...and i am smiling...that's good! :)

Journey....

2011-02-25T16:57:00.003+05:30

"My journey has been long. I do not regret it. At times, it has been dark, perilous course. At other times, joyous, dappled with sunlight. It has been hard more often than easy.

The road was fraught with dangers for me from the beginning, the forest thick, the mountains high, the darkness terrifying. And through it all, even in the mists, a small pinpoint of light, a tiny star to guide me.

I have been both wise and foolish. I have been loved, and betrayed, and abandoned. And much to my despair, I have wounded others, and humbly beg their forgiveness. I have forgiven those who have hurt me, as I pray they will forgive me for allowing them to hurt me. I have loved much, and given of my whole heart and soul. And even when badly wounded, have continued on the path, with faith, hope, and even blind belief, toward love and freedom. The journey continues, easier than it has been.

For those of you still lost in the darkness, may your traveling companions treat you well. May you find safe havens when you need them, and clearings in the forest. May you find cool waters where you can safely drink, quench your thirst, and bathe your wounds. And may you one day find healing.

When we meet, our hands will join, and we will know each other. The light is there, waiting for us. We must each, in our own way, journey on until we find it. To reach it, we will need determination, strength and courage, gratitude and patience. And after all that, wisdom. At the journey’s end, we will find ourselves, we will find peace, and the love that, until now, we have only dreamed of.

May God speed you on your journey, and protect you."

From Journey by Danielle Steel

Innocence - Lost and found!

2011-01-15T16:01:00.002+05:30

Lately I have been going back to my childhood memories more & more often. What is making me do it? Its not as if the childhood was way too good or the present is way too bad.

We, as children, fresh into this world, with a fresh perspective of things around us, can see the complex subtleties around us with profound clarity, and accordingly mould our thinking, in terms of how we view people around us, and the world at large. We don't know what fate has in store for us and we don't care
either. We take each day as it comes, discovering new tidbits about ourselves and others each day, experimenting, speaking up without fear, trusting people we love without question. There's nothing to cloud the perspective, no influences that we encounter as adults, to distract . A spade is a spade is a spade. We are
at one with our instincts...until...

Until we come face to face with human nature...and start listening to our own heart with some doubt. We start giving weightage to what we see through others' perspective instead of following our own. We start being wary of people. People we think may hurt us. We start to distrust, we start to get manipulated and manipulate in return, we start acting tactful and we simply lose the simplicity. Lives become complicated, relations become sordid.

As adults, we can still do all the things we did as children. But we choose not to. We can still believe in things we believed as children. but we are afraid to. Because now, that innocence is lost.We hide behind reason. We console ourselves that whatever we did, there was something that made us do it. Yea sure...there's always a reason for hate, always a reason for a certain behavior.

Blame it on others, blame it on our own self. Blame, hatred, hurt are always there...like the air, always around us. We breathe them, we wallow in them, we live with them...

What will happen if we go back to that innocence? We might get hurt? Big deal! we are bound to get hurt some way or the other anyways!

So just follow your heart, trust your instincts and take responsibility for it and go ahead. Reclaim the lost innocence. Its not gonna change people around you. But it surely will change you. Go find peace within self and enjoy!

The Simpson Wit - nothing like it :p

2010-11-25T10:37:00.001+05:30

Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.
Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
Homer no function beer well without.
I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
[Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'
All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.
Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.
That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?

Don't know what to call this...

2010-11-23T15:01:00.001+05:30

I have just lost someone to mortality. The relationship was unique...in the sense..you can have only one of that kind. What i cannot bring myself to say is that i have lost my father. I never called him dad or abba. I could never think of him in that way. But then am i mourning the loss? i don't know...maybe not...the loss of the person doesn't flinch me much . I don't know if i ever truly loved him. Then what am i so upset about? Maybe the missed opportunities to mend something, the chance that things might change yet, the possibility of asking him why he was the way he was, the likelihood of looking him in the eye and asking him why didn't he take any efforts, and finally the prospect of meeting him in person and asking for forgiveness for the lack of efforts on my side. The questions are all there, the answers lost forever.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un
May you find your place in heaven. Rest in peace...Abba...

اَللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِحَيِّنَا وَمَيِّتِنَا وَشَاهِدِنَا وَغَائِبِنَا وَصَغِيْرِنَا وَكَبِيْرِنَا وَذَكَرِنَا وَأُنْثَانَا. اَللَّهُمَّ مَنْ أَحْيَيْتَهُ مِنَّا فَأَحْيِهِ عَلَى اْلإِسْلاَمِ، وَمَنْ تَوَفَّيْتَهُ مِنَّا فَتَوَفَّهُ عَلَى اْلإِيْمَانِ، اَللَّهُمَّ لاَ تَحْرِمْنَا أَجْرَهُ وَلاَ تُضِلَّنَا بَعْدَهُ

Koshish...

2010-10-17T15:39:00.007+05:30

==========================================
Naakamiyon se humko ab na koi sarokaar hai

Mehrumiyon ka ab to zikr bhi bekaar hai

Ashkon ne saare daagh zamaane ke dho diye

jo baaki hai wo ek hasrat-e-anwaar hai

jabeen ko sajdon se ab koi gila nahi raha

teri parastish pe ab dil ko bhi aitbaar hai

Mai bimar-e-rahat hun is dasht-e-sehra mein

darmiyaan tishnagi-o-taskeen ke ek gard ki deewaar hai

Falak chhuna hai to dhoop mein jhulasna bhi hoga

Bulandi ki ye shart nakaabil-e-taqraar hai

==========================================

Finally!

2010-10-17T13:29:00.001+05:30

I have always had a dearth of girlfriends…not that I didn’t have any…but the kind where I knew I can always count upon were scarce
I have had some wonderful female friends in school and college too. But over time, we lost touch…maybe because they shifted to far away places, maybe the effort to keep in touch wasn’t enough…
I have some good male friends…but its not the same (boys will always be…well.. boys after all) I longed for someone I could talk to for hours…about anything under the sun…giggles in the midst of tears, jokes in the midst of ‘oh so serious’ discussions, jumping topics, and then coming back without losing track…philosophy interspersed with recipes, fears sprinkled with talks about hopes, love, care, understanding, admiration, adoration and reprimands too…something which only girls can do…I mean simultaneously ;)

Thanks Shazia for being there…we have laughed together, cried together, dreamt together and prayed together…even without having met each other…you are the sister I never had…

And Juliana…zooolliiieeeeeee…though I have known you only for slightly more than a year, I have had wonderful times with you… and we both know we just cannot be serious in each others’ company. The past one year would not have been the same without you…

Love you girls!!!

Something that was left unsaid....

2010-10-16T01:00:00.000+05:30

Sometimes it so happens....

That you meet someone who changes your life, gives it a meaning, walks the distances with you and yet...
You realize you need to get away, you realize you are chaining that person and yourself too, you realize you cannot give what is expected and cannot accept what you are being given, you realize that its better to be just friends...All this not because you suddenly start hating that person. Also not because you don't realize their worth. Its because sometimes 'walking away' is the only way you can survive, and let the other person live too...its not easy, but it needs to be done...

To the one who knows what this is all about...
There were reasons we met, reasons for the good times and reasons for the bad times, and most importantly a reason to end. We have more to learn, more to experience and more loving to do in this lifetime...

maybe the definitions have changed...but you are still loved and respected...and will always be...

The meow effect!

2010-10-13T11:12:00.001+05:30

On my way to work today morning, I came across a particularly cute kitten...she had the most beautiful cat eyes I had ever seen (and I have seen plenty). I was getting late for work, but I just had to spend some time with her....and finally, the kitten won...and it made my day :)

From the time I remember, I have had cats at home. But the last few years have been different...devoid of these exquisite creatures. My friends think its funny to like a cat...i don't agree...I love everything a cat represents, yeah...even that 'attitude'.

People say cats don't care as dogs do....but then why should they? They are, after all, royalty and they are fully aware of this fact. Just look at them walk, and stare at you with those piercing eyes...they are the epitome of sophistication, cunning, intelligence, style and grace and class...they know what they are all about...and they make you forget that they are narcissists too. At the same time, you just can't keep a straight face when a kitten is around. They make you forget all your worries for sometime, and the utter self-confidence, well...that's something that can be learnt from cats.

Ellen Perry says, 'As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat' and its true. But that's what makes a cat so endearing. Tamed, but untamed at heart, at home, but still in the wilderness, owned, but not possessed...Dying to get one home...So long kitty...love your tashan!!!

After a while...

2010-10-12T16:08:00.000+05:30

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every good-bye, you learn.

Notes to Myself - By Hugh Prather

2010-10-12T15:08:00.001+05:30

I have had this book with me for years, and i never found the time or inclination to pick it up and read it (though i have been voraciously reading mindless novels).

And now that I have started reading it, this book has made me ask a 1000 questions to myself. The name of the book might sound cliched, but the book isn't. If anything, its lucid, profound and sincere. And it makes you wonder. It makes you feel like looking at a new star in the sky, or maybe looking at an old one with new perception. Any one line from this book could make you realize some aspect of your own behavior, that might have gone undetected, even by you for all your life. Go read it...and then read it!

Some of the gems from this treasure trove...

Today, I don’t want to live for. I want to live
Whenever I find myself arguing for something with great passion, I can be certain I’m not convinced.
When someone disagrees with me, I do not have to immediately start revising what I just said.
If you tell me the way you see it rather than the way it is, then this helps me to more fully discover the way I see it.
What did I do to deserve birth? It was gift.
The most realistic attitude for me to have toward future consequences is ‘it will be interesting to see what happens’. Excitement, dejection and boredom assume a knowledge of results that I cannot have.
My trouble is, I analyze life instead of live it.
The bully in me always bullies in the name of principle or in the name of rules. The bully in me always has a reason for its actions and that reason is always idealistic. This part of me is a sissy-it hides behind ‘what is right’, so I won’t have to admit my desire to hurt.
Happiness is a present attitude and not a future condition.
My feelings do change and that I can have a hand in changing them. They change simply by my becoming aware of them. When I acknowledge my feelings, they become more positive. And they change when I express them. For example, if I tell a man I don’t like him, I usually like him better.
I choose to use my own mind. I do not need your mind. I want to experience you, listen to you - not to myself. I have already heard everything I have to say. You are what is novel about this conversation.
The configuration of most situations implies through tradition, a corresponding emotion. E.g., your wife goes out on you therefore you are enraged (when actually you might be aroused). I often respond the way I should feel rather than the way I do feel. Confusion or indecision is a good thing this is happening.
The most realistic attitude for me to have toward future consequences is ‘it will be interesting to see what happens’. Excitement, dejection and boredom assume a knowledge of results that I cannot have.
The comment ‘you’re lucky; it could have been worse’, is the kind of helpfulness I can do without. It also could have been better, or actually, it couldn’t have been any other way than the way it was.
Most decisions, possibly all, have already been made on some deeper level and my going through a reasoning process to arrive at them seems at least redundant.'

And the 2 most brilliant ones...

If a man takes off his sunglasses I can hear him better
I have already heard everything I have to say

Today is my turn!

2010-10-11T15:55:00.002+05:30

I am not a celebrity. I am sure there wont be many takers for my blog. And i don't mind that at all!!

because this blog is a sincere effort by me to get acquainted with myself, without any worries, any pre-conceived notions, and without any expectations. It is to keep my feet on ground, and let my soul free.
"The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you. It is when you don't understand yourself." I am embarking on a journey to discover me, to understand me, to love me and to nurture me. Sounds selfish??? well no...it absolutely isnt...

A few moons back (seems like eons to me though), when i used to look in the mirror, i used to find a stranger staring back at me. A stranger because it wasn't me...in any way...and hence it didn't behave like me. It's behavior fed itself on what was expected from it, misconceptions about it. Its face was contorted by the pain of being someone else, its skin pale by the fear of losing itself. And though it did what was expected of it, the effort always fell short of satisfaction, for everyone.

And then something happened that broke the mirror. Now i could see myself, understand myself, and as a result, i was able to understand others as never before. I knew what i was about. I was me...i AM me!

So, to keep in touch with my real self, I'll keep jotting some notes to myself - to hear my voice, to see my face, to understand my feelings, to above all - to be friends with myself...and i believe it is a beginning of a lifelong friendship...